The Integrated Being
At any moment in time and space, four aspects of our Being are always in play: Thoughts, Feelings, Actions and Needs. This forms for us a construct that provides a way to describe, understand and work with our Being.
Ok! So, what good is this information to me? Right. Let’s find out.
The short answer is this — when these four aspects are working in sync with each other, a person can feel at ease, congruent and integrated (together).
To add to your understanding and experience of the 4 components above, please read the short descriptions provided towards the end of the blog.
It is expected that thoughts, feelings, actions and needs influence and are in constant interaction with each other. For example, when I am hungry (feeling & need), I think about what I can eat (thought) and that leads me to cook something for myself (action).
All of these pieces are influenced by so many other aspects of our lives — stage of life we are in, circumstances, relationships, sociocultural beliefs, life experiences, roles, identity, meanings held etc. The important thing though is — whether we are able to remind ourselves of the existence of these 4 aspects every now and then and know what they hold for us.
The more connected we are with our mind and body, the more aware we become of our feelings and needs. And I also believe that our connection with our mind and body grows as we begin to pay more attention to our feelings and needs.
Congruence
For me, this is about my actions being in line with my thoughts, feelings and needs. For example, if I am in a relationship that is not working out, I am going to be worrying about it (thought) and may feel pain (feeling). Now, what I may be looking for is a sense of connection and understanding (need) and some of the choices then may be to either talk with my partner, to get external support or to break up (action) etc. Tough choices all of them, yet I may not feel at ease unless a choice is made and an action taken. Once the action is in process or completed, I can, with time, feel a sense of integration returning. And if that does not happen, I have my thoughts, feelings, actions and needs available to us for another look.
Not being aware of what our Being holds can potentially keep us anxious, depressed, confused or ill at ease etc. This awareness and following it up with action, provides us with a way out, a sense of relief and when fortunate, a sense of joy.
Integrating Needs into the ‘Being’ Construct
Process work labs at the Foundation for Human Learning and Growth, Aastha and Counseling Skills courses at the Hyderabad Academy of Psychology gave me exposure to the triangular construct of thoughts, feelings and actions/behaviors as part of the Being. The construct did not then unify the idea of needs into it. Exposure to the practice of Non Violent Communication, brought about for me the understanding that identification and expression of needs is as vital to our Being as are the other 3.
I believe that Needs affect our drive & motivation and directly impact our thoughts, feelings, action choices and actions, making them an essential component of this construct.
What can I do with this information?
I encourage you to first make the 4 components of the Being construct visible to yourself by paying attention to them. That may in itself lead to something for you, as it most often does for me (for example, relief of just knowing what is going on). Next step can be to talk about it with someone or journal about it. You can use this construct to check if your actions were in line with your thoughts, feelings and needs. You can also for example, use this to become aware of a feeling, to acknowledge it and then to see what may be leading to it.
Therapists, Facilitators of Therapeutic and Personal Growth Spaces
As an extension to understanding oneself, this construct is pretty handy in creating an understanding of another person and in conceptualizing what is going on. Therapists, facilitators of therapeutic and personal growth spaces can use this construct to remind themselves of some of the aspects that are useful in understanding a client or a participant and create a more wholesome picture.
Thoughts are ideas, opinions, beliefs, notions that we carry or that appear in our minds. Thoughts can feel momentary and also at times seemingly reside permanently in our brains.
Feelings on the other hand are emotional states that we may be in or the reactions that we may have to thoughts or actions. We have reactions to our own actions and those enacted by others in our environment.
Actions / Behaviours are the process of doing something or a way of being. Actions are typically characterized by movement, a shift or a change of some sort. Not taking or requiring any action is a choice, if not a form of action. An action seems to always have a choice embedded into it.
Needs are requirements or wants that we have. Going by Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, these range from physiological, safety, love and belonging, esteem to self-actualization needs.
This write up is my understanding of how things work based on readings, process work, counseling skills courses and my own life experiences. I hope that it serves the purpose of the reader becoming more aware and curious about oneself and one’s world. Also, remember that “no generalization is wholly true, not even this one — Oliver Wendell Holmes”. So read it, experience it, experiment with it, adapt it and use it.
